Sunday, December 30, 2007
The new year is approaching. Very soon, before I knew it. 2007 is going to be over in 2days time. 2007 certainly was a great year for me. How time flies. From going back to school, to preparations for 'N' levels till holidays till recently, getting our results. Time really flies, so fast.
Many people came into my life, with one in significance, and many left, including the significant one. The one whom I treasured most deeply, the one who has brought the most impact into my life for the past one year, the one who had cause so much change in me, the one whom I'm willing to give up my life for. Everything has turn into dust now, the covenants that we had, those items that is of sentimental values, all is of nothing now.
All I have left now are wounds that you had inflicted upon me, on that night when you said, "Sorry, but this is the best decision." It's been almost 2months already, maybe you are already doing well, but it's so difficult for me. Part of me is telling me to let you go, it's over, face it. And there is another part of me, so unwilling to let go, holding on dearly to you, as if it is my life.
You are my life. I'm a human, I have emotions too, to let you go is just so difficult. 2 months, and the wounds are still bleeding. I will be waiting for the day, that the wounds will be healed, and I will be that carefree Benedict again.
你是这世界无与伦比的美丽。
Sometimes, I wonder, how much do I truly mean to others.
Let's embrace 2008 with excitement, bring along the memories of 2007 and keep them in your heart.
Farewell 2007, Farewell
baby.
陈伟译上。
6:43 PM
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Christmas, what should be a joyful season and it turn out not to be so joyful for me, it just seems like another day or perhaps Christmas for me. With Christmas well-wishes flying around, people doing last minute shopping and giving gifts for their love one. I'm here, wondering, what would this Christmas bring for me? I got an answer, nothing, it's not even possible now, to spend 5minutes with you, just to give you a present and hopefully, a hug.
Perhaps, months after, we are able to be like before, having late night suppers, talk about anything under the sun, or maybe the moon. Knowing you has been one of the greatest thing that has ever happen to me. I can remember the day when I first met you, that amazing personality you had, that faint smile you had and of cause the one I cannot forget, your laughter. Now all I have left are memories. Those joyous time we had spent together. Merry Christmas. =)
陈伟译上。
12:11 AM
Saturday, December 22, 2007
My life has just been boring, plain boring. Slowly, I'm being eaten up. I miss those carefree days. Now everything in my mind now is just negative stuffs.
Lately, I have become really negative, about everything, especially towards myself. Whenever things happen, I just feel so dumb and useless about myself.
I am at a point where I'm so close to breaking down, so close. At a point where all my beliefs are gone. At a point where I feel that, God Almighty have forsaken me. Where I don't feel so close to God anymore. I feel so distant from God. Maybe it's my problem that I can't hang out with people. That 'I don't bring joy where ever I go.' That 'I always show the whole world that I'm unhappy about things that are happening.' and that 'only a 3-year-old kid will put on a face to tell the whole world that he is unhappy.' Maybe I am a 3-year-old kid, maybe I really don't bring joy where ever I go but despair and sorrow and maybe I really want the whole world to know that I'm unhappy by showing faces. Who really cares about me anyway, yes 'everyone got their own
fair shares of problem' and yes, my problem is
always mediocre, as compared to others. Other people
always seems to have a much greater problem. I'm mediocre and I know it. I have always been mediocre. Have always knew about it. Who am I anyway, 'to go around showing faces to everyone i see.' ya, I'm nobody to show that 'contorted and disgusted face.
It's my problem I guess. MY bad.
陈伟译上。
4:44 PM
So many things racing through my mind. And yet, the moment I open to this screen, my mind turn blank. Shut off. I don't know why, I dunno what got into me. I hate this. How am I gonna pull myself together. Arggh, how am I going to face the new year ahead, all the diversities, I'm getting weaker now.
Secondary 5 is going to be a tough year, a tough year and I have got no idea how to face it, no idea. I just hate myself. Period.
陈伟译上。
1:14 AM
Friday, December 21, 2007
Hi people,
I realized have been blogging at weird hours for the past few post. Like 12.46 in the morning. Goodness Gracious Me.
Got my results, 3days ago on Tuesday 18 Dec. Was disappointed at my results, many told me that it's good enough, what matters most is my O levels, well, I still can't hide the fact that I'm disappointed, I thought I nailed it. Anyway, I just wanna concentrate now on O levels next year and do it well.
I hope I did you proud. I really hope I did.My promise to you, to do well for this exam and to make
you proud. I hope I did.
Am just gonna do my best next year.
Am have lost the ability to put my thoughts into words now, so cya!
TATA~
陈伟译上。
12:46 AM
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Hi people!
According to Paw, I'm suppose to blog about how fulfilling, enjoyable and enrichment POOL was today at her house.
Paw will be leaving for Korea at 8a.m tomorrow! Am gonna miss her, (Ok Paw, I said it, you don't see it, your bad, not mine. ) MUAHAHAHAHAH! She keep pressing me to say that I'll miss her. I've said it. Whether she sees it anot, I dunno. HAHAH! Pool was fun, getting a hang of it, but still sucks at it, need more improvement. Like training.
Also went back to UOB today to return my access card, Joey and Cindy were shocked to see me, hahaha! Ok, am abit nervous about results now, another roughly 13more hours, but I estimated to get results at about 3.30p.m cos of Mrs. Yeow LONG speech and to queue up for results. man, I might faint before I get the results. Anyway, not gonna be like too nervous that I can't sleep and stuff, promoted or leave, it is already set. OF COS! I hope to be promoted. haha. Who doesn't. haha.
Ok, Shall stop here.
P.S GUYS!! POOL again, SOON! When Da Ben and Paw is back. haha!
陈伟译上。
12:29 AM
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Hi people,
Am rather lazy to upload the pictures onto blogger, for I don't know why.
I'm emotionally drained. I've somewhat lost all emotions of mine. What has gotten over me? I don't know. I've lost the ability to write anymore. Right now, in fact, I really have got no idea what to write or type down. I'm lost of words, not because I've too many to say, maybe, yes, I've alot to say, but who can I talk to? Freely. Able to pour out everything that is within me, that I'm hiding inside. No one, no one whom I can turn to, Even what that I've said out is very vague, if you guys 'ave realized. It's because I'm not comfortable, all ain't like me. All ain't gonna understand the psychology behind me, behind this facade, I'm creating a barrier, a barrier that's growing thicker, that it seems like I've lost touch of this world. I've not been myself lately.
Where is Benedict Tan Wei Yi?
Where is HE? That damn ass guy has lost himself.
I'm lost for words. I'm lost.
My world came down, I've to rebuild it, but how? How am I suppose to rebuild my own world? It's like walking through a maze, a complicated maze that seems to have no way out, there is no light, and I have to figure out a way. How long am I gonna take? It's still a mystery. I hope soon.
陈伟译上。
1:57 AM
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Hi people, am currently in Malacca now, enjoying my life. HAHA. Many things happened. Last day at UOB and Nian Shao Qing Camp at Malacca.
Rather lazy to blog now, have got no idea why, lol. Last wednesday was my last day in UOB, Paw, Shujun and WanTing gave me something that is so touching can. WanTing drew somethings on a shirt for me which just look frigging cool, do not have the photo now with me, will post it up soon. I'm their SNAG. We went to play pool, am starting to like pool now, a little late but who cares, it's still cool. Jason thought me how to play pool, he's a frigging GEP, and he don't look like he's from GEP. He's frigging good with pool, am most prolly gonna meet them this Friday and Pool again! Weets. Last Wednesday play pool, and I unconciously knock on my handphone while playing and the LCD screen cracked, didn't even realized till much later. Am gonna send it to repair soon. My colleagues are like all smart people, I'm the 'dumbest' there.
Then Thursday packed up for
年少情(揮酒)生活營. It was GREAT. Able to meet some people that I've not seen for a year. Am gonna go there next year again. Too bad some of my friends weren't there. Was so keen on meeting them since they said they would be there, but it's ok, met lotsa new friends also, from all over Malaysia. The campfire was great. Cosplay. Dress up as cartoon. There is like Mario, Mickey, Aladin, Sailormoon and many many more, took alot of pictures with the people there, haven't get it yet, shall post up the picture when I'm back in Singapore. When it was time to pack up and leave the camp, so sad, so many people cried when it was time to leave so did I. Really sad, and we may not be able to see each other again. Next Year am gonna go for the camp again. Really really fun. How time flies, 3days 2nights, gone in a blink of the eyes.
Am really tired now, shall stop here,
Thanks for reading,
TATA~
陈伟译上。
11:24 PM
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Hi people,
It's been a long time, since i blogged.
I don't really have the time to blog now since I'm working 9a.m - 6.30p.m every weekday. Gonna end my assignment soon, so you will see me here soon! Not many people read my blog anyway.
Life is
great.
Have been keeping to myself lately, withdrawing from many people. I don't feel comfortable sharing things with those people, cos they ain't like me. They don't actually understand how I feel even if I were to tell them. Best thing, maybe not the wisest thing, to do is to keep it in. Saying it out may lead to condemnation from others. People who are not like me, won't understand me. It's a psychological problem I guess. Who cares anyway.
The cruelty of a failed ___ , a ___. It's so painful, losing someone close to me. So close. All that I've left of now is one photo, one ___ and one ___. All of which is what I treasure the most. Give me the whole world in exchange of any of this 3 items. i would rather forgo the world. This whole world is so mediocre to me compared to the one I lost.
I still remember, all that you've said to me, the significant ones, and the not so significant ones, I should say, all that you've said are significant,
all.
I miss those days, really, I miss those days that we spent together.
Teochew porridge, Malay food, Macdonalds, KFC, Fish & Co. and many many many many more. So many of my first time, spent with you. You showed me the world. You opened up my eyes. Teaching me stuffs that I've never known existed, you helped me to grow so significantly in such a short period of time. Many realize my change, my change because of you. You made me want to change myself to be a better person, for you.
All this are just not of any significance now. All is lost, my world came down, I've to rebuild it again, slowly, by myself.
Cya people,
TATA.
Disclaimer:
Those who are gonna blabber and say that all that I've posted are vague, c'mon, I decide how I wanna write, :) Get a life.
陈伟译上。
10:42 PM